Yes there is some irony to that statement. I have been pondering lately a question. Let me state it and then I would love to hear any of your theories.
Why do we seem to have a basic human need to complain?
Oh, You don't complain? sorry. Well then why do you think "people" other than you have the need to complain. Think about it for a minute. The other political party is going to ruin the country, the current political party is in it for themselves and they don't listen to or care about "the people" (this same accusation can universally be applied to your boss, your company, salespeople, police, or any other person with authority or power that can directly affect you), the city (especially yours) can't seem to get the traffic problem figured out, drivers (especially drivers in your city) are reckless and oblivious, your employer does things the hard way making your job more difficult, it is too hot in the south and too cold in the north, gas prices are ridiculously unfair, your house is too small and you need more space, or too big and it costs a ton to cool/heat, or too old or new so there are projects needing to be done. Shall I go on?
So again my question, "What inherent human need moves us to complain?" I have my theory. I would love to hear yours.
10 comments:
I have two thoughts on that. good question by the way. 1) humans want sympathy, empathy, and understanding, and to a certian extent excuses. so complaining is our way of reaching out to others, not necessarily for help..but for empathy. 2) everyone experiences basically the same things in life. although we may tag some people complainers, what we are basing the decision on to place that tag on someone is what we have heard verbally from them. That is the only measuring stick we have. Unfortunatley what that does not measure is someones natural desire to talk and share. If we could take this into account, a lot of people we might tag as complainers might actually focus less on the negative things in their life than other people who we never hear from b/c they don't vocalize things. Said another way, if I were using the # of times someone bears their testimony in sacrament meeting as the measure of the depth of their testimony, I would be missing a key variable. Someone sharing either a complaint or a testimony seems to be the product of two things a) their inner feelings and b) their fear of or desire to vocalize to others. a+b= vocalizing complaint or testimony.
I also have been thinking for a couple of weeks about the question. From a scripture stand point the complainers are those that can't see the big picture so they complain about the short term consequences. (Laman and Lemuel)
One of the basic teachings of the church is for each person to know that he is accepted of God and is doing His will. Once we know that we are doing the will of Our Father, trials and tribulations can be endured with patience and hope instead of despair and grumbling.
An example of this can be found in the story of Peter McIntyre, one of our ancestors that crossed the plains. While waiting in Keokuk for his wagon to be built he personally observed many saints that tired of the journey and tribulations and went back home. His own wife, ill and depressed, got out of his wagon and headed back east finally staying in Boston. These saints had lost sight of the big picture and had lost their testimony that they were doing the will of the Father.
If we know for ourselves that the bishop of the ward is acting according to the will of God, we don't complain about his decisions.
If we know that we have been called by revelation to act in our own individual callings in the church we don't complain about the short term trials and tribulations that will come from serving in that calling.
To get personal:
I was hoping to be on a mission by now with my wife Julie. However, the bishop called us in and said that he had received inspiration that she should be the Relief Society President. She of course accepted the call and is serving faithfully in the calling. We know that we are doing what the Lord wants at this time and are happy in the calling and where we are at the moment.
Uncle Rich
Your question got me paying closer attention to how may times I complain, myself. I didn't like what I heard. I also noticed the little things that others complain about - a paper being put in the teacher's box before something else, so that when the paper was pulled out, the "something else" fell out, too. I think we are all so concerned about ourselves and the things we need to do and the schedules we need to keep, that we get irritated when something interferes with any of it, and then we want to vent. In that situation, we are being selfish, I think, thinking about ourselves and not why someone else might have done what they did. Talking about a serious problem really can help our mental health, but where is the line between healthy venting and petty complaining? I'm trying to find it. :o)
I've been thinking about your question for a while; observing others and paying closer attention to myself and how I react to situations. I really like the insights that others have given here, and agree with each of them, but would like to add a couple other possible reason. First, I think sometimes we complain in order to place blame elsewhere, so that we won't have to accept responsibility for our actions. For example, if we can complain about how bad traffic is, then it isn't our fault that we are late, even though we left later than we know we should have. Secondly, we all want to "fit in." If those around us have all these problems, we are afraid we won't be accepted if we say, "Oh, my life is great." We need to have something in common with them, so we find something to complain about. I found myself doing both of these things in the last two weeks. Your question has inspired me to be better and remember that my life IS great. Thanks, Ben!
So when do we get to hear your theory?
I'm curious about Ben's theory, as well... I don't really have a great, profound theory. I just know that I complain more when I am focused on myself and what's right in front of my face. When I can look forward and see "the bigger picture" (often called an eternal perspective), all those things I would usually complain about don't bother me so much. They are easier to let pass. So, I need to keep my focus on what's really important. I imagine we're all a lot the same in that aspect.
Okay, I guess I better post my theory now. Sorry for the delay.
I see a complaint as something similar to a disclaimer or an excuse. You have heard people say at the beginning of a talk or a lesson; "I hope you are patient with me because I didn't have time to prepare" or "I was up late" or "I hate getting up in front of a group" or something like that. This tactic sets up justification if they were to fail in their attempt.
The same thing happens in sports. Right before a game, a race or some other competition athletes share their recent injury report; "My hamstring has really been hurting" or "I am hoping my knee, arm, shoulder, shins,(insert any body part or piece of equipment here) holds up." This kind of disclaimer sets the perfect stage for victory over the odds if they succeed, or for a perfectly justified reason if they don't.
I see complaining playing a similar role. If I complain about my spouse or my kids I can claim credit for success in spite of overwhelming odds. (I am successful despite living with a challenging spouse and difficult kids). If you are successful at work, and you have complained sufficiently, than you get twice the credit (or at least you think you do) because you have succeeded in spite of having an idiot for a boss, or working with difficult coworkers, or being under funded.
And you have set yourself up with a nice alibi just in case you don't succeed. If you have pointed out along the way that your boss is an idiot, your coworkers are incompetent, the government is crooked, other drivers are careless and so on; if you have put it all out there for the record, then when you fall short of your goals you have evidence for yourself and for those around you that it is not your fault.
So in summary, pointing out the failings of others or our environment by complaining before we make an attempt, or even during the attempt, makes us appear (more to ourselves than anyone else) either heroic for overcoming the odds, or justified when we don't.
Good thoughts, as usual, Ben! This has been a great post with great thought-provoking comments and inspiration to maybe change some of my own practices and tendencies. Thanks for sharing, everyone!
I can honestly say I never really thought of it in that light... you have some valid reasoning though... I'm going to be mulling this one over for awhile!
So is your spouse difficult? I've heard stories... :o)
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